domingo, junho 26, 2011
Um delicioso e-mail acabadinho de chegar à redacção do Efervescente:
Political Systems Explained
Political Systems Explained
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk..
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped
dead.
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so
that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back
to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,
leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because
you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and
market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a
month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade
your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of
Democracy....
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk..
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped
dead.
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so
that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back
to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,
leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because
you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and
market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a
month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade
your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of
Democracy....
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive
terça-feira, junho 21, 2011
Sempre gostei de Pedro Passos Coelho, da sua frontalidade e da forma como deu o exemplo aos jovens da geração seguinte à sua, mostrando que era possível a um rapaz quase imberbe "sacar" uma artista pop já um pouco a pender para o entradote (aquilo a que nos países anglo-saxónicos se designa por "cougar").
Apreciei particularmente o distanciamento (relativo e prudente, é certo) que a JSD por si liderada cultivou relativamente a Cavaco, sobretudo porque ocorreu numa altura em que teria sido muito mais fácil surfar a onda.
Fiquei a gostar mais dele quando abandonou a política para concluir o curso universitário e tentou estabelecer uma carreira profissional antes de regressar e também gostei de o ver casado com uma guineense.
Adoro o facto dele ser um suburbano de Massamá.
Simpatizo igualmente com a forma naif como faz política e comete erros de palmatória, fazendo com que a determinada altura os seus pés se assemelhem a um verdadeiro queijo suíço.
Gostei muito de o ver propor um governo em que os principais papéis estão reservados a indivíduos fora do star system politicamente correcto e estou particularmente encantado com a forma como o PSD cavaquista-marcelista-santanista-barrosista se tenta posicionar de alguma forma atrás dele, mas sempre a "correr atrás do prejuízo" e aparentemente sem qualquer capacidade de o influenciar.
É por isso com ternura que vejo o caso "Nobre" e a manifestação de carácter que foi enfrentar um suicídio escrutinário atrás de um dos maiores erros de casting da história democrática portuguesa.
Ao contrário do que muitos possam pensar, este episódio não enfraqueceu o novo PM - antes pelo contrário: permitiu mostrar um líder que honra a sua palavra e que tem apenas uma face. Muito provavelmente esta manifestação de confiança e fiabilidade da parte do novo PM de Portugal fez mais pela credibilidade nacional (nomeadamente junto à troika) que qualquer outra iniciativa anteriormente feita ou a exibição panfletária de indicadores económicos parcelares e segmentados (a troika não é parva).
Nos últimos dois dias as pessoas ficaram a saber que quando PPC diz que vai fazer uma coisa, vai mesmo fazê-la até ao fim e no limite das suas possibilidades. E neste momento é desta credibilidade que o país precisa.
Apreciei particularmente o distanciamento (relativo e prudente, é certo) que a JSD por si liderada cultivou relativamente a Cavaco, sobretudo porque ocorreu numa altura em que teria sido muito mais fácil surfar a onda.
Fiquei a gostar mais dele quando abandonou a política para concluir o curso universitário e tentou estabelecer uma carreira profissional antes de regressar e também gostei de o ver casado com uma guineense.
Adoro o facto dele ser um suburbano de Massamá.
Simpatizo igualmente com a forma naif como faz política e comete erros de palmatória, fazendo com que a determinada altura os seus pés se assemelhem a um verdadeiro queijo suíço.
Gostei muito de o ver propor um governo em que os principais papéis estão reservados a indivíduos fora do star system politicamente correcto e estou particularmente encantado com a forma como o PSD cavaquista-marcelista-santanista-barrosista se tenta posicionar de alguma forma atrás dele, mas sempre a "correr atrás do prejuízo" e aparentemente sem qualquer capacidade de o influenciar.
É por isso com ternura que vejo o caso "Nobre" e a manifestação de carácter que foi enfrentar um suicídio escrutinário atrás de um dos maiores erros de casting da história democrática portuguesa.
Ao contrário do que muitos possam pensar, este episódio não enfraqueceu o novo PM - antes pelo contrário: permitiu mostrar um líder que honra a sua palavra e que tem apenas uma face. Muito provavelmente esta manifestação de confiança e fiabilidade da parte do novo PM de Portugal fez mais pela credibilidade nacional (nomeadamente junto à troika) que qualquer outra iniciativa anteriormente feita ou a exibição panfletária de indicadores económicos parcelares e segmentados (a troika não é parva).
Nos últimos dois dias as pessoas ficaram a saber que quando PPC diz que vai fazer uma coisa, vai mesmo fazê-la até ao fim e no limite das suas possibilidades. E neste momento é desta credibilidade que o país precisa.
Etiquetas: Política Nacional
